I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
