So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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