we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You were trust falling into bushes
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