Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
