Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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