Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
