I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
