I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
