My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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