when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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