You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
