I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
