I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
