For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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