I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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