Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
