i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
