That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
