Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
