The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
