Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
