Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
