Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
