i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
