Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
