it wasn't lemon gatorade
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
