so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
