All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
