I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
