1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
