New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
