Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
