apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
