i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
