"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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