i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
