I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
