why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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