I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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