just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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