Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
