I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
