Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
