I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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