i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
