No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
