I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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