hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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