and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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