You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
