If i come over, it means nothing
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
