WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
